Without Love

IMG_2073 - Version 2Soul Food: I Corinthians 12

“If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.” ~

The older I grow and the more knowledge I obtain, the less I understand. Facts and figures become unclear and, often, meaningless in the mystery of the divine; perhaps one of the most frightening aspects of this thing we call life is that we will never fully comprehend God. The one thing I do believe is that there is a God beyond all understanding who reveals love, grace, and truth through the presence of the Risen Christ.

Many have turned to me in the past few weeks for answers, but, I have no words or explanations to offer. Our family has experienced and endured many losses, but nothing like the loss of my husband. A sudden, violent death is like no other: There is no warning for the sucker punch, the shock, the denial, the waves of sickness and sadness, the heartache beyond pain. Kahlil Gibran once said, “Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.” Only God and time can heal our wounded souls.

The outpouring of love, support, and prayers have been, quite frankly, over-whelming. Please know that we are grateful, but grief takes a different path for each of us; there are no rules for navigating an uncharted territory of the heart. Our goals have become much more simple right now: Our family has decided to choose life and love. With God’s grace and sustaining Spirit, we will find faith again; however, to be perfectly honest, that is one of the most difficult aspects of a tragedy like this … because everything we believed in the past was shattered on September 16.

Please do not be offended if we cannot return your calls, messages, texts, and emails; it isn’t personal. We are struggling to find any words, and our emotions are very raw and strong. Some folks are extroverted, drawing energy from other people, but others need a more introverted, quiet place of solitude to rejuvenate; a few of us desire both. Right now, my focus and energy are reserved for our family, especially my children, while we seek to envision a new normal and vastly different story for the future.

The pathway towards tomorrow feels daunting, so we are taking it one small step at a time. The startling list of unpleasant chores seems endless, so we choose the most pressing to tackle first. Many are things that no one else can do, although we greatly appreciate the offers for help. What we need now is time and prayer because hope emerges in the power of God’s grace and love.

Peace to you and yours,

Katie and Family

 

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